Category Archives: me love friends

social support is a kind of unconditional love..

I don’t know what has driven me to write about this kind of stuff, suddenly I’ve got an interest to mention it. Well, umh, based on a dictionary of psychology, social support particularly means the physical and emotional comfort given to us by our family, friends, co-workers and others. It knows that we are part of a community of people who love and care for us, and think well of us. An important aspect of support is that a message or communicative experience does not constitute support, unless the receiver views it as such.

Most of my lectures are always ended by this (kind of) issue. Social support. Someone who has an emotional discomfort will need social support to help her/him to struggle. For example, a girl who suffering post-traumatic stress disorder after experienced a sexual-rape would be tougher to through her stressful condition if her family didn’t neglect her. How if she’s neglected? I think you know the answer.

Unfortunately, some of our populations (in our region we live) aren’t able to give any social support. They probably have given, but useless (mostly caused by their unfriendly way of talking), or they haven’t got a sense (or ability?) to understand how we feel (simpler: has a low level of awareness). I think we don’t need to be a sensitive person to know others’ feeling, we just have to care. I often read cases about mental problem that will get worse because the patient doesn’t have enough social support from people around him/her. Sad, right? The number of Mental illness’ patients increases because lack of social support too. Gaah! Hey, look! Only half patients on mental hospital have been visited by their family. I do really want to laugh after reading this fact. Me personally, always try to give some support for anybody around me, at least say to them that they’ll be ok soon.

they laugh and cry together. =)

About 2 week ago, my friend lost her momma. Her beautiful-maternal mum died from an ovarian cancer, which chronically laid in her body since … maybe 5 or 6 years ago. 3 days after her mum’s death, She (my friend) was (still) very depressed (of course she was! who wasn’t???). I often found her crying, did nothing, or did something but without enthusiasm like she does normally. My lecturer asked me what was going on with her (she found many changed behavior on my friend), she thought she’s different. Finally I told her (lecturer) about her (friend) condition. My lecturer spontaneously said that I have to give her some motivation, social support (hha!!), and always be able if she needs me. “as a friend and psychologist-to-be, we have to be sensible for this kind of problem, I think you can’t go through her and do nothing, blablabla …”, she said. “Why me? She has got 2 sisters and father, who always beside her…” I asked, not because I don’t care about my friend, but I just wanted to know the reason(s) why she said that (naughty me!). Then she continued with an answer, “Because you’re her friend, Sarah. Friends’ motivations can make us emotionally attached, and they will wonderfully help us to relieve from our sadness or another kind of negative feeling.” (Then she smiled to me, and went out from class). Yeah she’s right. I have to do all those, for her.

A couple of hours later, I met her in the canteen. I looked her smoking. I joined with her, and borrowed her light (hahahahah!). I tried to open a conversation but I got stuck. *ah shshshiiit!!!* and what an unexpected, she talked! She told me how she missed her mom so much, and so on (too long to explain). I can see in her eyes (her eyes told me too, indirectly) how terrible her feeling was, deep inside my heart, i cried. I hugged her, and she cried on my shoulder. I let her crying for a moment then gave her a glass of water. After that, we kept silent. No talk, no laugh, but I stayed my body close to her. There’s no talk again until the time to go home. Her driver picked her up and I went to the plaza semanggi to meet my high school friends. When I was at plangi, I received a message from her. “Sar, thanks for your kind and support, also for your shoulder, hehe! You know something? I can’t cry since her death, I was too shocked. And finally, I cried, fiuuh! You’ve given me a place to cry and I can’t tell you how blessed I am, have a friend like you and them (her another friends).”. I replied, “You’re welcome dear, I know it’s hard, everybody knows, but life must go on. Allow yourself to cry, but don’t stop your step after this, go go go!! I know you’re strong, we are strong, everybody’s strong..”. i told my friends to support her whatever the way is, and my friends were very welcome to do that.

Day by day, she gets better *Alhamdulillah!!!!*. And now, she can draw a smile again, she can laugh as usually, her GPA went down but she thought she’ll fix it next semester. See? Social support has just perfectly worked. Conscious or unconsciously, her circumstance wanted her to struggle, and she did it! A brief story that I’ve told you before, is a sample case about how the social support works. It’s not a sin if we do some support to our relations, it will help much, trust me.. an individualism is not a reason to stop supporting others. And I think, the happiest thing we’ve ever had is when we’re realized that everybody loves us, purely. Unconditional love. Social support is a kind of unconditional love itself. =)



Filed under daily basis, me in me, me love friends, psycho-stuffs

i’ll miss u, my sist!

woaa, hari ini, temen gw, senior gw, dan udah gw anggep kayak kakak gw sendiri, ka fergie, bakalan pergi ke philippines to have a leg surgery. gw baru taunya TADI SIANG, itu juga karena gw buka facebook dan disitu statusnya bilang kalo dia bakal meninggalkan jakarta. KAGET ABIIS gw. gw emang udah skitar 1 mingguan ga kontak ama dia, skalinya kontak juga cuma ngebahas masalah sehari2 kayak nanya kabar, gimana ujiannya (kan dia lg ujian tuh), and ga pernah nanya tentang kapan dia mau dioperasi. baru deh tadi, gw secara ga sengaja dikasihtau tentang keberangkatannya dia. setelah gw baca status update nya, gw langsung sms dia. unfortunately, dia ga bales sms gw, mungkin dia lg sibuk, pikir gw, dan gw yg pas itu mau masuk ke kelas neuropsikologi, mutusin buat re-send message abis kelas slesai aja, karena mungkin aja di tengah2 jalannya kuliah, dia bales sms gw, tapi ternyata tidak..

pas kelas udah selesai, ga ada juga balesan sms dari dia. mulai deh gw mikir, “ini ka egie kmana ya?”, akhirnya terdoronglah gw untuk nelfon dia. telfon gw DIANGKAT!! fiuuh lega. gw masih sempet ngomong ama dia walaupun cuma bentar. i gave her some motivationa and wishes, and kaget banget gw pas dia bilang ternyata dia berangkat jam 1 dinihari, OMG!! gw pun nutup telfon dengan perasaan lega, at least gw bisa nunjukkin atensi gw ke dia, and ga peduli mau dia nganggep itu angin lewat doang or anything, gw ga peduli itu.

mungkin lo pada bertanya-tanya, kenapa sih gw ngebahas dia di postingan gw kali ini? sebenrnya gw ngangkat dia karena gw ga punya topik lain smentara gw pengen banget ngupdate blog gw, hahahaha, ga juga laaah! deep down inside, gw pengen banget ngeluarin kecemasan gw (yang sebenernya masih dalam batas normal) tapi gw gatau gimana cara negluarinnya, jadi yaudah, dengan gw menulis artikel buat dia, mudah-mudahan semua bisa menjadi lebih baik (perasaan gw).

ini ka egie, waah potonya gw ambil colongan dari facebooknya,
abis gw ga punya fotonya, hahaha!

perkenalan gw dengan ka egie itu simple banget. jadi waktu itu gw butuh subjek buat wawancara mengenai olahraga dan kaitannya dengan tingkat stress. gw disuruh wawancara 3 narasumber, sementara gw cuma punya 2, akhirnya gw pilihlah ka egie, senior gw waktu di SMA, untuk menjadi subjek gw. gw kirim message, ask her whether she agree to be my participant or not, ternyata dia mau!!! goood, gw ngerasa lega banget, karena dia bersedia jd my last participant. udah tuh, gw jadi sering kontak ama dia, untuk membangun sebuah kontak emosional biar dia bisa nyaman sama gw. fortunately, dia bukan tipe orang yg ‘kaku’, walaupun ga bisa digolongin orang yg ‘hangat’ juga (yaiya, secara gw kan baru kenal, pas SMA jg ga pernah ngobrol), tapi cukup bersahabat dan welcome lah sama gw. gw jd sering cerita2, dia juga ternyata mau cerita sm gw, ampe wawancara berlangsung, kita kayak yg udah lama kenal gitu. padahal pas wawancara itu pertemuan pertama.

ka fergie, Fergie rachel kawengian, biasa gw panggil ka egie, kena cidera di lututnya (gw lupa yang sebelah mana), katanya sih pas PON tahun lalu. dia atlit cabang olahraga basket, dan membawa kota Jakarta pas PON tahun kemarin itu. sehari-harinya, dia kuliah di Perbanas, jurusan manajemen, angkatan 2005, setahun di atas gw. dia juga member dari club Mahaputri Britama. kalo lo tau perkembangan basket indonesia, lo pasti udah ngga asing sama tim ini, and lo juga pasti tau kalo tim Mahaputri ini udah memenangkan piala KOBANITA sebanyak 7 kali berturut-turut.
ka egie, tinggal di jakarta sendirian. ada sih sodara-sodaranya, tapi orangtuanya tinggal di manado, dan dia anak tunggal. dulu, dia tinggal sama tantenya, tapi karena dikontrak sama tim nya, dia jadi pindah ke mess tim nya di daerah kelapa gading sana. dia itu tipe cewek keras, galak (punya temper yg tinggi), koleris-melankolis gitu. di super-mandiri, hidup di jakarta sendiri bukan hal yang gampang. terlepas dari urusan ekonomi (karena gw yakin dia pasti dapet subsidi dr ortunya), dia harus berjuang sendiri ngelewatin tahap demi tahap perkembangannya. di saat dia kedinginan, cuma selimut yang bisa menghangatkan badannya, dan di saat dia gundah, cuma kata hati dan otaknya yang bisa menjawab kegundahannya, beruntung dia deket sama Tuhan, which is dia bisa sharing dan ngerasa ‘ada yg nemenin’. dia juga punya temen-temen yang sayang dan perhatian sama dia.

ka egie in action..

perlu diketahui sebelumnya, gw adalah orang yang sangat menyayangi temen-temen gw. gw punya kepekaan yang tinggi terhadap mereka, kalo mereka kenapa2, gw bisa loh cemas sendiri gitu, tingkat kecemasan gw emang bisa dibilang tinggi, jadi no wonder kalo gw cemas mikirin dia yang lg deg-degan menghadapi saat2 operasi.

well, hati emang ga pernah bohong. cinta emang selalu berjalan sesuai perintah otak dan stimulus dari orang yang kita cintai. teman-teman kita, adalah salah satu bagian terbaik dari diri kita sendiri. companionate love (cinta pada sahabat), make our life worth living. hubungan gw ama ka egie, bukan hubungan yang spesial kalo dilihat dari kuantitasnya. gw jalan bareng ama dia cuma 3 kali jooo, pertama yang wawancara, trus ke mangdu bareng, trus terakhir gw nonton bareng ama dia and 2 temennya. tapi kalo dari segi kualitas, gw ngerasa gw dapet kualitas yang oke dari dia, gw ga tau juga sih dia nganggep gw gimana, but once again, gw ga peduli, gw udah memberikan yang terbaik, menggunakan kesempatan (langka) yang ada, n itu balik lagi ke dia nya. yang jelas, dia udah dapet ruang sendiri, bergabung dengan sahabat-sahabat gw lainnya, yang ampe kapanpun ga pernah brubah statusnya menjadi ‘musuh’. kebencian emang bisa merubah sebuah hubungan, tapi hati, ga pernah bisa kalah dari benci, benci adalah sebuah emosi negatif yang bisa dihapus oleh cinta yang ikhlas. cinta apapun. dan gw adalah orang yang sangat menghargai cinta, dari mulai ama orangtua, sahabat, ampe binatang piaraan. gw bisa bertahan ampe sekarang juga karena cinta, guys! sooo, spread the love in everywhere!!!

persahabatan, membuat kita merasa selalu dicintai,
membuat hidup kita menjadi lebih penuh arti.
(quote yang pasti udah sering banget lo denger bahkan nyaris basi, tapi BENER BANGET!)

for my dear ka egie :
aku salut banget ama keberanian n kemandirian kakak. aku ga akan pernah berusaha untuk meng’kopi’, karena aku punya cara sendiri untuk juga bisa bertahan seperti kakak, tapi sumpah, kakak udah jadi ‘role model’ aku, untuk menjadi cewek kuat dan mandiri, tetapi tetap hangat seperti ka egie yang aku kenal sekarang.
glad to know that u’ll get well soon, but sad to let u go even for a month, hahaha, lebay! well ka, just takecare there ya, dont forget to pray for the best therapeuthic, have a safe surgical proccess, n so on.. i’m praying for u here as well,, warm hugs for u kaa, and mmmuaahh!!
*can’t wait to see n hear that u’re back, next month*
God bless u fully.. (maaf ya ka, fotonya aku pinjem, hihi!)

teman-teman, tolong doain ka egie yaaa, biar dia bisa cepet sembuh, i need your pray guys, for her! thanks a lot!!!

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Light in the darkness..

Weekend with assignment is great, hahaha! Such a bullshit huh? Definitely! Today is Sunday but I have 2 pay attentions for my assignment. My body is sick, from head to toe start with headache, then stomachache, bones r painful, feet cant use 2 walk as normal as usually, n finish with mood swing. Those r because of my period.. Laptop-ing in sleep position with no energy, feeling sleepy n lil confused… I had my meal already, with no appetite n just for formality. How sad my weekend is.
My statistics’ task getting so hard 2 finishes. The task is that I have 2 analyze the social-psychology’s journal, measures with ANOVA (analysis of variance) 2 way repeated measurement. My journal’s topic is the social supports of high-risk, formerly maltreated adults. I have 2 find the structures of the journal, such as a background, an urgency, hypotheses, methodology, data analysis, and then conclusion. Honestly, The level of difficulty is low, but the level of my motivation to do it is low too, so the result will be: finished slowly… Till I write this post, I’ve finished half of it. With high-effort thinking (or dying to be) that makes me tired.
Oh Lord, I’m not on my mood today, even to finish my tasks. Although the deadline is tomorrow!!! I need rest, I need fun, I hope someone picks me up and then she/he brings me to somewhere in which I can refresh my left-side’s brain. My friend promises that she’ll call me soon, but where is she? Her voice is unheard, my mobile isn’t ringing, that means no receive call. I want to sleep, but I can’t, because if I sleep, there’ll not enough time to finish my task, coz I have to finish it before 6 pm, and then post it to my lecturer (yes, we collect it by email, so simple..)
(About an hour later)
My best friend’s calling!!! Haah, at last! She refreshed my mind, with simple jokes, we laughed, we shared, and we went crazy, haha! Friends r always can make our live worthier, no matter how hard it feels before, but after they come, join with us, everything going nice then. That’s why I usually called friends as a precious gift from God. God sent us friends preciously, not to be exploited, not to be hurt, but to be saved, to be happy, to be loved. Believe it or not, my mood’s stable now, back to normal, and I’m ready to finish my assignment now. There’s always a light in the darkness,, friends r the light, pure light with no contaminate, with nothing destroyed, and will always turn on as long as we keep them to turning. Keep with our love, care, touch them with hugs and kisses sometimes, to make them feel comfort and warm. I’m the one who’s always give my everything to do that..
And now, I realized again and again, how important my friends are.. How big my love to them is. Nothing can change that, even though I stop breathing, I lose my consciousness, or my heart stop beating, I’ll always love them, love my friends, love them like I love myself.. (please save our love, Dearest God, amen..)

NB: tonight, my twin brother is distracting me.. n I’m so angry, mad, n one step closer to be A KILLER!! (its uncorrelated to my story above, but I’m really DISAPPOINTED!!)

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Buka puasa featuring reunii,,

Tadi gw buka puasa bareng anak-anak kelas gw (XII IS C), walaupun yg dateng cm sgelintir, tapi udah enak bgt, ktmu sm mereka, bersama-sama menuju sebuah tahap hidup dewasa, padahal dulunya petakilan ga jelas.. skrng msh tetep petakilan, tp tentunya bukan petakilan ala anak SMA lg.. td sempet ga dapet tmpat, yoii puasa2 gini mall udh ky pasar ikan, ruamee gelaa, jdlah gw batalin puasa dgn sebotol frestea, tp berhubung gw ga laper2 amat, jd gw tenang klo ga dpt tmpat.
Masa kls 3 emang enak bgt, mungkin krn kita senasib, sama2 deg2an sebelum ujian, sama2 nervous pas ujian, blajar bareng, pusing bareng, dan ktawa2 bareng setelah lulus, bner2 indah tu masa, yg ga akan pernah gw rasain utk ke-2 kalinya. Totally memorable. Skarang, udah pd sibuk masing2, egosentris harus dinaikkan demi kelangsungan hidup yang akan datang, makanya ga bs disalain jg kalo mrk ga bs dateng krn kesibukan, ga bs disalain kesibukan jg, krn sbnernya kan tergantung pada pilihan yg mau kita ambil, lo mau dateng apa ga nya,, td gw makan nasi goring special, yg lain jg makan dengan menu masing2.. smpet becanda2, poto2, nyela org, yaa kebiasaan2 masa muda lah, hehe!
Gw, yg emang suka nyela, merasa bebas lepas nyela temen2 gw. Adi ama dinda yang kbagian sial gw cela. Dinda emang pantes dicela, hahaha! Dia anaknya easy going bgt, jd ga punya keleluasaan yg lebih bwt nyela dia, krn gw ga takut utk nyinggung dia kan, nyinggung jg bodo amat sih sbnernya, hakhak! *piss din!* lagian sih dia yg ketua acara, eh dia yg datengnya lama, kan ngeselin, pake bilang bukan dia lah ketuanya, ah dasarr!! Gmn ga mau gw cela coba? Hohoho.. tp ya itu, smua nya dilewatin on a friendly way, ga ada maksud bwt ngejatohin. Makin ksini, kita pada umumnya (gw pd khususnya) makin sadar, kalo true friends itu, ga harus ktmu tiap detik, tiap jam, tiap hari.. kita mungkin aja ga ketmu for a long time, tp kualitas pertemuannya bner2 tinggi. Jd yg penting sbenrenya adalah ‘how good’, bukan ‘how many times’, betul tidaakk??

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phone call that makes me realized..

Barusan sahabat gw (sebut aja dia Dino) nelfon, dia crita kalo cewe yg dia suka itu jadian ama cowo lain. Sebenrnya si dino jg ga tau, tu cewe bneran jadian apa ga. Tp dino udah takut minta ampun. Ampe dia bingung dia harus gimana.. gw, sebagai org yg saat ini dia percaya, jg ikutan bingung harus ngomong apa, hehe.. krn menurut gw, gw ama dino punya otak yg beda kalo udah masalah cinta. Terlepas dari peran gender loh yaa..
Dia sayang banget ama ni cewe (sebut aja dia Dian), perasaannya begitu besar dan pun tau itu. tapiii, di sisi lain, ada 1 cewe lagi (sebut aja dia Jenny), yang sayang bgt jg ama dia. Mungkin prasaan sayang Jenny ke Dino, sama besarnya kayak prasaan sayang Dino ke Lulu. Si Dino, pengen banget jadian ama Lulu, emang udah pernah jadian sih, Cuma harus putus krn factor keluarga (which is Dino sayang bgt sm keluarganya dan ga mau mengecwakan mrk, jd Dino pun berkorban), akhirnya mrk cm HTS (hubungan tanpa status) aja. Selain factor kluarga, menurut Dino, factor kualitas waktu juga jd pertimbangan. Lulu yg kuliahnya jauhh, ga bs spend much time, as much as jenny does. Jenny lebih pny banyak waktu, makanya itu si Dino jg ga mau ngelepasin Jenny. Dino ngrasa ngedapetin smuanya di Jenny, yang dia ga dapetin dari Lulu. Tapi, prasaanya dia berat ke Lulu. Dino lagi pusing karena Lulu jadian ama cowo lain. Dino ga mau kehilangan Lulu, tapi untuk jadian ama lulu, otomatis Dino harus mengorbankan keluarganya, juga Jenny. Haaah sahabat gw itu lg dilemma. Ya iyalah.. kalo ga mah ngapain jg dia nelfon gw ampe kpusingan gt, hehe! Gw bilang ama Dino, bahwa hidup adalah pilihan. Emang sih, poligami lg ngetren, tapi kalo udah punya 1, gapain mau 2 sgala sih?? Kan soulmate bukan hendphone, mereka punya sesuatu dlm dirinya, bernama hati. Hati, jgn ampe tersakiti oleh apapun. Disaat cinta udah terasa menyakitkan, mau ga mau kita harus memanipulasi keadaan sedemikian rupa, biar cinta itu tidak kluar sebagai sebuah energi negative. Cinta kan indah bgt. Tp skali lg, hanya ada 1 cinta. Gw lg berbicara dalam konteks wanita pada umumnya, yg anti-poligami, tanpa mengurangi rasa kagum gw ama ibu2/mbak2 yg skrng lg dipoligami.. dalam konteks wanita ‘umum’, kita tentu ga mau dong cowo kita dibagi2 ky kue tiramisu gt. pada akhirnya kita harus milih, krn belum tentu kan tu cewe2 yg dket ama Dino, mau di’poligami’? sama spt cwe2 pada ‘umum’nya. hidup adalah pilihan. cinta memang kita terbarkan pd siapa aja, tp utk menjadi pasangan hidup kita, kita hrs nentuin. kalo dua2nya mau, enak di lo ga enak di gw dong? hehe.. bwt dino, yg mungkin baca blog gw, tentukan pilihanmu nak.. mungkin ngga skrng, ntah kpn, tp gw yakin, pd akhirnya, tuntutan utk meilih pun akan lo hadepin. dan saat itu terjadi, ikutin hata hati lo, jgn pake egoisme lo utk bs memiliki dua2nya..
ama tadi yg gw blg di telfon, “cinta dan logika jgn saling tumpang tindih. mereka harus berjalan beriringan, agar ga ada yang menyakiti, dan tersakiti..”
i love u my best!! =)

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