Category Archives: me love fams

about someone who has given me this life

This is the story about a woman called Bunda. Bunda in Bahasa Indonesia refers to someone who has given a birth to a child. My Bunda is … difficult.

She’s so perfectionist, everything must be done perfectly if I don’t want to hear a shout or more from her.
She’s so high-profile, stubbornly idealist and .. Shit, She’s arrogant. Her chin will always be up and she looks at above.
She has never wanted to have kids, she was stormed by her dad to get married and have her own family, but deeply she didn’t want to, she want to be alone, live for herself, solitary.
She never be here for me, she never give her shoulder for me to cry on.
She’ll always yell me if anything goes wrong. Gives me tears. Gives me hatreds. Yeah, she really will.
She has divorced from my dad, and she hates my dad as I hate cockroaches.
She always curses my dad in front of me and it’s the worst. Sometimes, it seems like she wants me to hate my dad. Oh come on, that would never be!!!!
She loves her friends, looks more than she loves my brother and me.
She’s cool like Hitler, and nobody can beat her, INCLUDE her mum.
She has a not-really-good management of emotions. She can’t handle the drive to angry *and i’m the best person for her to be angry at*.
She loves shopping as long as it’s a branded stuff. If it is not, don’t ask. For the sake of her prestige, she NEEDS to buy anything branded *so why don’t you buy those brands, mum?*.
She never is proud of me.

Otherwise..

She’s so smart, well-educated, classy, and only a plenty of women can have an opportunity like she has had.
She’s beautiful. Really! I often see her boss(es) flirt and ask her for something romantic. Ah stupid! *go away, Sir, i promise you wouldn’t get it!*
She’s qualified in everything. One thing she isn’t : raise her kids. She has failed.
She’s strong and contended. The strongest woman I’ve ever met is her.
She has purity, and always shows respect towards anything, anyone, at anywhere, anytime.
She is a kind of a free-spirited person, and she indulged me with no-strict-rules care giving.
She’s less than a workaholic. maybe too-workaholic, and what an ambitious lady ever!

bunda
The most important are :

She teaches me (indirectly) how to be an independent woman, who can stand on my feet and I’m the only person who can put a high expectation TO ME.
She wants me to study, to learn, because she doesn’t want to have a daughter with brain dysfunction. She’ll be mad and embarrassed if she knows she has an ‘idiot’ daughter. She’ll kick me off from her life, although she’ll never clap me and say, “congratulation!”, if i get my best scores. *poor me, hihi*

So I would like to :

Show her that “here I am”. The one who has never grownup with her *mum* hands, emotionally, But with MY hands.
Let her know that I’m her daughter who always struggling ALONE with anything in front of me. I have never begged her help; I think I don’t need it. I can help myself. Surely. more than she can.
Get myself out of her, and build my own family, but I promise I’ll take care of her, till I die, till she dies, I won’t let her starved although for a second, i won’t!!
Make her happy with HER LIFE, not with me. Because I know, her hope is living alone, laugh with her friends and concern at her career, and she so doesn’t need me. *I’ll go, away from you, if it’s all you want*.
Begin my journey, be better than her, in everything *especially to my (future) kids*.
And those are enough.

It’s her birthday now. And for the gift *I have kissed her while she was sleeping, lol*, I want you guys to know that I love her, so deep. I can’t tell it to her because, it means nothing and I feel like i waste my time. She won’t be touched.
I don’t need anything except seeing her happy. with her life … and afterlife.
She doesn’t need to worry because … I have been letting her do ANYTHING she wants, as long as it can make her smiling.

Again, and those are enough.
happy birthday, Bunda. i’m beside you, and Allah is inside you.

cheers, Sarah. xoxo

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tragedy in my diningroom. idul adha, 2008.

sbelum memulai pnjelasan ttg ritual (apa sii?), sarah n family mengucapkan : “SELAMAT HARI RAYA IDUL ADHA“, kepada smua visitor blog ini, yg kebetulan merayakannya..

well, well, well,, i’m so glad that i can did shalat Ied tadi, secara pas idul fitri itu i was on a woman’s period, jd gw mendekam aja di rumah, huuh! tapi idul adha sekarang, gw bs shalat, gw bs shalaaat! yeah man! Tuhan emang adil ya? idul fitri gw ‘dapet’, idul adha gw bebas (shalat!).

ritual dimulai dengan bangun pagi (indeed!), jam stngah 6 pintu kamar gw udah diketok2 ama si Ella (pembantu gw). she said, “saraaahh! ikut shalat ga?”, then i answered her, “ikuuut!”. FYI, gw tuh blm tidur sama skali tadi. ga tau knp gw ga bs tidur, jd daripada gw tidur jam 5 trus gw ga bs bangun, mending lanjut aja (duuh, terserah d ya gw mau dibilang sebagai org yg berpikiran pendek kek, I DON’T MIND!).

jam 6 lewat 10an gt, gw bangun, mandi, siap2 shalat sblum gw diceramahin oma. oia, oma opa gw kbtulan lebaranan disini, gatau knp. rumah mereka di bogor (bukan daerah asal. mereka asalnya dari Padang!). oma gw udah bacot bgt (yaa normalnya oma2 deh! agak hiper klo menurut gw, tp sudahlah!) teriak2 dari luar kamar gw, memastikan klo gw sedang bersiaaap!
kelar mandi, gw langsung masuk2in perlengkapan shalat, ama must-bring-things gw such as wallet, tissue, n mobile phones) trus langsung dimasukin ke tas.

must-bring-things gw!! yg polka itu tas gw, asal ngambil!

setelah semua siap, ga mikir 2x (ngapain jg?) gw langsung cabooot! gw cuma shalat bdua oma gw aja, krn bunda lg ga shalat (yep, woman’s period!), n opa udah ga bs shalat sembarangan lg. dia udah susah klo shalat berdiri, mau ga mau di harus duduk, n repot (itu sih menurut pendapat dia), jd drpd (menurut pendapat dia jg) dia harus nyusahin org, mending dia di rumah. jd dia, ama nyokap gw jaga rumah. adit (kembaran gw) shalat ama temen2nya di salah satu mesjid besar di jakarta selatan (ga boleh nyebut namaa, hihi!), so dia udah brangkat lebih dulu drpd gw..
pas gw di jalan menuju mesjid, ada satu kejadian yg ngebuat gw miris.. jadi pas gw jalan, gw ngliat ada tukang minta-minta, mbak2 gitu, bawa bayinya. tiba2 oma gw nyamperin dia, trus ngasi duit. gw, yg kebetulan baru ngeh klo oma gw nyamperin dianya pas udah rada jauh gt (yaa stngah meter d, jauh ga sih?), males balik ke blakang, jd gw cm liat dr jarak sgitu aja. gw pratiin tu mbak2 beggar, kasiaan bgt. well, sbnrnya gw kasian ama bayinya. Ya Allah, gw pengen bgt do something tp gw ga ta hrus ngapain!? gw cm bs ngedoain dia (n beggar2 lainnya), supaya mereka dikasih kekuatan n kesempatan untuk bs merubah hidup mereka ke taraf yg lebih baik..

setelah beberapa menit, gw lanjut jalan lg. pas udah sampe, gw milih syaf yg kebetulan kosong. pan syaf kita ga boleh ada bolong2 (jarak) tuh, jd gw langsung aja ngisi yg kosong di sebelah ibu2. oma di sebelah kiri gw, n tu ibu2 di sebelah kanan gw. ga lama setelah gw pake mukena n duduk, shalatnya mulai. para jama’ah di suruh buat bediri n bersiap dengan posisi masing2 (eh?). shalat slesai, semua pada dengerin khutbah (ngga sih, pada gosip! haah, gossiping is good however!), pd ngelepas mukena masing2, ada juga beberapa keluarga yang pulang duluan ninggalin si imamnya. kasian amat yak tu imam? emang sih, gw akui n gw sadari, itu khutbah ga jelas. ga jelas suaranya (mikrofon nya ngaco tuh kayanya?!), ga jelas juga isi khutbahnya apaa (mungkin krn dr suara yg dikeluarin ama si mikrofon aneh itu udah ga jelas kali yey?), jd yaa cukup beralasan jg sih knapa para jama’ah ga ada yg mau dengerin (maksd gw, sebagian dari mereka, ga semuanya laah, hha!)..

setelah beres shalat, saatnya pulaang! gw udah laper bgt, cooy! apapun makanannya di rumah, yg penting gw makaan (yg penting halal siy, sbnrnya!). udah nyampe rumah (dengan perjalanan rada lelet, pake sempet ngeliat ‘pemandangan’ mbak2 beggar yg tadi, pake ngobrol ama tetangga), gw langsung ganti baju, bikin kondisi seenak mungkin (kan mo makan critanyaah!), trus menuju meja hidang. jeng jeeeeengg.. inilah hidangannyaa..

opor ayam ama sayur nangka, the ritual’s tools!!
(eh ada tangannya oma, hihi!)
ko ada ayam goreng? oma gw krajinan!

ga ada acara analisis makanan lg, gw langsung ngambil ketupat n lauk pauknya. ga semuanya gw ambil sih, cm opor ayam ama sayur + rendang paru dikit (khas padang, ketupat with rendang, beuuh.. what an orgasm, beybii!!)..

keadaan si piring sebelum disentuh pemangsanya (=gw!)

acara santap menyantap pun berlangsung lancar, tanpa ada gangguan dari pihak manapun. sang ratu santap pun menikmati makanannya dengan membabi buta (dooilaah, lebay bo!). acara santap pagi (itu jam 9, brarti itungannya msh pagi kan ya?) gw dihiasi juga dengan obrolan2 santai gw, bunda, adit, opa n oma (thank God blm ada tamu yang dateng). waah enaknya berkumpul ama mereka semua. jarang bgt moment kayak gini.. for +/- 15 minutes later, piring gw praktis kosong.. taraaaaaa!!

ketupat habis tanpa sisaa,
untung ga ama piring-piringnya jg gw makan!

kosong bukaaan? see, see?? haahaa.. i’m sooo rakus, right? hell-yeaah! ya emang sih porsinya ga terlalu banyak sbnrnya. it’s NORMAL portion (for normal people in a normal-planet-earth), BUT, untuk orang bertinggi 160 CM (itu jg kayanya gw lebih2in deh, hakhak!) n berberat badan 48 KG (mudah2an ga naik lg deh, on no, please GOD, don’t, don’t!!) macem gw gini, porsi yg gw makan td itungannya udah banyak. hmmph! *mengernyitkan jidat*

acara makan2 selesai, gw langsung balik ke kamar gw. krn blm ada tamu jg kan. gw ngrasa ngantuuk bgt (post-lunch dip = abis makan, ngantuk. salah 1 istilah psikologi), yaa secara gw kan blm tidur sedetik pun since kmaren.. perasaan ngantuk pun mendera.. gw pun bobo, lost in my dream world. then gw dibangunin dgn suara cempreng spupu2 gw, yg kebetulan mampir ke rumah, krn oma-opa stay di rumah gw (td pan udah tak bilaaang!!). gw bangun, cuci muka, ganti baju dengan yg rapihan (masa iya ktmu tamu pake boxer?? heeeh? Lebaran pula!!) trus gabung sama mereka.. ooh, such a wonderful day! alhamdulillah.. =)

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What happened with u, mum?

Lo hrs tau, bahwa kmrn mlm, menjadi salah satu malem tersedih gw, ya masuk the top 20 lah, hehe! Semua berawal dari kepergian gw, bunda, n adit (kembaran gw), ke senci, lantaran bunda pgn bgt makan pizza marzano. I don’t know why, I don’t know what the motive is, tiba2 bunda ngomong, “sarah ngga sopan bgt sih, smsan mulu, kayak ngga ada hari lain yang bs dipake bwt bls sms aja”, blablabla.. mulai dari situ, kemarahannya berlanjut, di debenhams marah, berlanjut, bentakan demi bentakan gw terima, smakin lama kuping gw smakin sakit. Yg lebih sakit lg, gw ibarat roller doaster yang setelah dimarain, dibaikin, dimarain lg, dibaikin, bujubuneng, dikiranya hati gw dodol yg kenyal, hati gw bkn dodol. Hati gw rapuh, hati gw haus, haus kasih sayang bunda. Hati gw smakin panas, sepanas mata gw, krn kelenjar air mata sdg bekerja optimal pd saat itu. dan pd akhirnya, si air mata itu ga bs gw bendung, gw nangis di kamar mandi debenhams. Tangisan yg bner2 mengexpresikan perasaan gw. Tangisan yg bgitu tertahan, krn ga mungkin gw nangis jerit di toilet debenhams dong, emang ga bs jg sih sbnernya, jd yaudah, cm nangis2 diem aja, sama skali ga puas. Ampe rumah gw lanjutin tangis gw, krn ternyata bunda msh melanjutkan marahnya. Tadi, pas gw ke senci, dia masih smpet nyakitin gw dgn lontaran2 judesnya dia..
Bunda, knp sih bunda judes bgt sm sarah? Knp bunda bgitu dingin? Sampe sarah ngga bs merengkuh bunda, saking terlalu dinginnya. Knp kasih sayang itu begitu singkat? Sarah bahkan belum smpet menikmati saat-saat itu.. tapi gpp ko bun, kalo emang marah-marah buat bunda nyaman, marahlah.. kalo memang sarah adalah sebuah kesalahan, salahkan lah, salhkan sarah atas smua ini, jadikan sarah bonekanya bunda dmn bund abs ngapain aja seenak hati, sarah gpp. Sarah baik2 aja bun. Sarah sayang sama bunda, dan sarah jg tau, bunda sayang sama sarah. Bunda cm lg stress aja kan ya bun? Bunda cm lg sakit aja kan ya? Gpp sarah ngerti, akan selalu ngerti. Sarah janji sarah akan terus berdoa buat bunda, ngebahagiain bunda, bikin bunda seneng, tapi ijinkan sarah melakukan semua itu, dengan cara sarah sendiri. I’ll show u mum, that I’ll still stand up, I’ll fly with my own wings, n someday, I know u’ll realize, that I’m not as bad as u think, I PROMISE i’ll make u realized..
what happened with u, mum?

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