Category Archives: me in love’things

relationship and its own little things

My friend tagged me her note, and here is the note :

a super slut (not super star. cause she’s an actress) take all of her clothes in front of my boyfriend. what should i do?
*make some scratch on her face?
*bunch her hair?
or
*still believe with him?

WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!! it makes me insane slowly.

I was confused what I should write her, after finally I wrote :

i think scratch her face should be great, you’ve long and sharp nails, ahahahahaaa! Ah don’t take it too complicated, you haven’t seen whether your BF is effected or not, the faith will set him. =)

It was bit shocking me, I know on previous that she’s fine with her BF, then why she came and tagged me a note like that? *questioning*

Do you think it’s helping or not? Whatever..

Tonight, my friend told me what chronologically happened. That girl took off her clothes while her (my friend) BF was watching TV, then swung her clothes near him (the BF), the BF was curious, “whose these?”, he babbled, a way before he looked that was a naked girl in front of his eyes. Every man should be shocked of course, and it could be a fantastic view for him, hahaha! The BF tried to be a trustworthy by telling my friend that accident. However, who wouldn’t be afraid if our partner tells about that to us? Everyone would, I think, and it’s normal in every similar condition.

I’m wondering, why that girl dared herself to be naked where she knows there’s a boy near her? In addition, why she didn’t use the toilet or another costume room!? Oh Lord, seems every relationship problem begins with a stupid matter. We usually hear or read or whatever the way is, somebody has a break up with her/his partner because an-uninvited-person. Then the faith will work, the trust will appear, back on how that person allow them to control the relationship, not by anger anymore. Anger is good for self-survival but not that good for relationship problems’ solution. I’m not an expert on love things, but I bet (as I told you before), the relationship is not about love alone, we need such several other things to get it long-lasting, and I think the faith, the trust, the hopes, and our religious manner are included.. =)

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it’s been a year. (29.03.08 – 29.03.09)

Weew, it has been a year! About a year ago, on a same date, same month, my ex and me decided to end our relationship up. I forgot this day firstly, but my ex suddenly text me, here is my via-text message conversation :

Him : “hei, hari ini tanggal 29 ya, hehehe! (hey, today is 29th, isn’t? LOL)”.
Me :
“hahah, OMG iya ya, aku lupa!
Ya ampun, udah setahun ya! (OMG, yes it is, I forget! Oh my, it has been a year!)”
Him :
“iya Rah, aku lagi ngerayain sama temen-temen, hehehe. Sejujurnya, aku nggak dan belum bisa menghapus kamu dari ati aku, tapi aku juga tau, aku nggak mungkin bisa balik lagi ke hidupmu, walaupun aku udah berusaha lupain dengan jadian ama cewek lain, sampe akhirnya putus lagi, tetep kamu yang ada di dalam hatiku.
Sampai detik ini setiap tanggal 29, aku masih ngerayain. (yes Rah, i’m now celebrating it with my friends, LOL. Honestly, I haven’t been, and can’t erase you from my heart. Although I’ve tried to forget you with have a relationship with another girl, until broke up, you’re still in my heart. Till this time on every 29th, I always celebrate it.”
Me
: =) =) =) (read : speechless)
Him
: “ ^_^ maaf Rah, aku masih cinta kamu. (I’m sorry Rah, I still love you)”
Me
: =) =) =) (read : speechless again)
Him
: “bisa nggak aku ketemu kamu?
Aku kangen. (can i meet you? I miss you)
Me
: “bisa. Nanti aku kabarin kamu. (yes, we can. I’ll contact you later)”
Him
: oke. Good night Rah, met bobo. (Ok, Good night Rah, sleep well)

After that, I was just thinking about him, about us. Our memories, our fights, our intimacy, togetherness, everything. We had so many things; and it’s definitely hard for me to forget those. We actually belong to the different religion, I am Muslim, and he’s catholic. My dad was disagreed with our relationship, and so was his mum. My mum never mentioned it, she is more liberal than my dad, and his dad is Muslim too, he was fine. His mum is the most disagreed person, she had tried more and more to separate us, and he (my ex) used to be careful in every step he takes if it’s related to me, like make a phone call, sms, go out, and so on. And you know, have a backstreet relationship isn’t always good and easy. Sometimes it’s getting harder in some situations. But believe it or not, my ex and me can through it for almost 3 years (in add, we broke up on a same day we started it. Sick, huh? MORE THAN THAT, I was dying in my first 2 month).

Although he’s not a worth guy for me to deserve, and he has less maturity than I wanted, I still love him, the way he was. I didn’t care how childish he was, all I want was him. Then finally, I got tired, I was sick, and he was so. We decided to leave each other. Surely, it didn’t mean I hate him. I can’t hate someone who has given his time to me, he’s no need to be hated. But relationship is not about love alone, we need many things beyond love itself, to build a good relationship. Love can make us tougher to face anything, and it has an integration with such several other things. That’s why I was daring to end it up, for the sake of our future. He deserves another girl as I deserve another boy. We just had spent time together to fill our heart, to acknowledge this life better, to understand how it supposed to be, and I’ve learned many things with my relationship, our relationship. Thank God I found him, without him, I can’t know these all. =)

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a bedtime story which telling about SPIDER

(this note has already posted on my facebook)

I titled like that because I’m all out of clever things to say something good about spider. I bet, this will be the most horrible bedtime story u’ve ever read. First of all, I wanna give you the definition of a spider itself. Spider is an insect, a predatory arachnid with eight legs (OMG, it hasn’t got any hand, so how can I grab its hand by the way?? LOL), two poison fangs, two feelers, and usually two silk-spinning organs at the back end of the body; they spin silk to make cocoons for eggs or traps for prey. Spider always make a fast movement, from one place to the other place, and we’ll find it hard to catch it. Very untouchable. Edward Cullen said that a fast movement he always do is like a spider. And if u have seen twilight movie, you must know when he tells that lines.

Unfortunately, I was in love with a spider. Not a real spider, but ‘spider’. Spider that I mean is someone from a cursed place, who always laying in my mind, my heart even my unconsciousness. I had a very unforgettable first date (a date, not only a meeting). i went to the cinema with him, took the midnight show, after that, he dropped me to my house. He told me that I needn’t to tell anybody about that night, “just me and you, can you keep it?”, he asked. Yeah of course I can, why not? Day by day, week by week, our no-status-relationship was going beautifully. But one day, he asked me a confusing question again, “is this wrong?”, then I asked him back, “what ‘this’? whats wrong?”.
“this!!! Our relationship. We have no status, la la la …” Then I was realized that oh gosh, I’ll face some troubles soon, I had a bad feeling. Thank God, it didn’t take a long time, It’s just blocked.
But my dilemmatic situation hasn’t finished yet. About 3 weeks or a month later, I saw there are so many differences in his behavior, if compare with his behavior 3 or 4 weeks before. He seems like, umm.. lack of passion, have a bore, or something like that, marked by his tendency not to reply my sms, answer my phone call, and so on.

stupid feeling
stupid feeling – by sarahsita hendry on Polyvore.com

I wondered, “what happened with u, hun? And why u didn’t tell me anything? U’re blinding me, u know, and it ain’t funny!!” he told that he was like that even before I met him. No, he’s not like that. I feel such a different thing. I guess, he can’t manage his many negative feelings for our relationship. He’s too egoish to make a good deal with me, he’d rather to treat me like that, he doesn’t know how it feels like, being rejected and neglected, rrggghhh.. what the F!!! its going on for about 3 weeks till we (HE!!) decided to ending our relationship (pretend that we really have a status).

i'm trying not to jump
i’m trying not to jump – by sarahsita hendry on Polyvore.com

Maybe that time is where I had to be in a lowest-level phase on my life-span. this experience is teaching me how we should appreciate the love. each person has some different ways to express the love, and however the form of their expression, all we need to know is : love is a very special gift from God. u may be blessed if u have the love in your heart. the power, and the purity of love, can beat anything in the universe. so please save and care about your partner’s (either couple, friend, sibling, parent) feeling, don’t give them a sadness, an emptiness, or sorrow because they think they love a wrong person. love is never wrong, actually, the point is how we keep our love n grow it correctly. why did i ask u to do that? because i know how hard when i get an ignorance from THAT SPIDER. i don’t know maybe he’s jobless or what, he’s just a kind of shit that i have to throw it away. fucking SPIDER!!!
(any question guys?)

P.S : i just wanna share, its okay if u have different opinion.. =)

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surprise in the afternoon

hahaha.. y’know what? i had a chat (by facebook) with my an-dear-onymous. then i’d to cut the conversation, because i wanted 2 smoke (bad habit, i know! enough guys, enough!). so i logged my facebook out, left the laptop (which is still turn on), took my cigs n light, went outside my room to the balcony, then smoked (hahaha. what a description!!). after i finished, i went back 2 my room n looked at the laptop. i saw that my an-dear-shit-onymous is gone.
“oh gosh!”, i said.
“why u leave me so fast? why u dont wait me for a moment till i back?”
“ah, so damn u. u even cant stay 4 me. it just a moment!! few minutes. not a day, few days, many days, many years. oh, geeeez! terrific!”
i was disappointed. oh no no no, i AM disappointed (yeah, its present, STILL happening!). this is totally out of my mind. haah!
a few minutes later, after i said many cursed word that i know, i sent my an-asshole-dear-onymous a message (by phone). here is the message :

“yah dia cabut. baru aja ak mau ngirim message. hahaha! u’re soo untouchable. i got late 2 realized. hmm!

for about +/- a minute, there’s a reply. i read it, it wrotes :

“iya neh. gw disuruh ma nyokap. disuruh nganter titipan ke rumah temennya. bentar ya ndut!”

i replied :

“hahaha! what a statement. ok, take ur time!”

oh then there’s a reply again. eh? i couldnt believe. bit amazed before finally i read it :

“apa maksudnya what a statement?”

bhwahahaha.. i havent reply it yet. till now. hahaha.. i really dont know what should i say. it will make some trouble if i make it longer. so i decide to keep my mouth off.

for u baby : “how hard u’re. i cant touch u.. now, i give up. thats all up to u. where u will bring me, i dont wanna know. i’m following u, darl. i cant handle it all. u’re unexpected. ure so hard, n too far! but i’m still on u, till i realized that our relationship is difficult to do.”

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Being single, so what?!


Barusan gw mikir, kalo pada bln ini, tepatnya tgl 29, gw genap 6 bln jomblo. Gw putus ama mantan gw tgl 29 maret, dmn saat itu usia jadian gw nginjek 3 tahun, pas bgt pd hari itu, jam 12 malem pula putusnya.. its terrific, wasn’t it? Yep, but I have to choose, I cant stuck on this relationship, that cant make me better. Of course, We (me n my ex) didn’t try to kill each other, but we cant find it better though. We are always heading conflicts, empty debates, no positive progress,, I can stay, but I don’t want to stay, I have to move on, I want move on. my life is not only about passionate relationship, but also independent commitment. Komitmen bebas maksud gw adalah, kita punya komitmen, tanpa pengekangan dr masing2 pihak, dan bertanggung jawab terhdap komitmen itu.. believe, that’s the key.. gw ngrasa udah ngga ada believe dr dia (my ex). Gw ngrasa ga dipercaya. Kecintaannya yang (suppose) berlebihan membuat dia jd ga percaya. Pergaulan gw yang (suppose, too) lebih luas, sifat gw yg bebas, membuat dia jd labil menilai gw. Kdang dia percaya, kadang nggak.. gw ga bs, jadian ama orang ga inkonsisten. Usianya dia, harusnya udah pny konsistensi yg lebih tinggi dr gw, cm emang, qta ga bs melihat sifat apalagi kdewasaan seseorang just by his/her age. Iya kalo dia bs ngambil pengalaman hidupnya sbg sebuah pelajaran, klo ngga?? Mati aja lu!
Udah hampir 6 bln gw jomblo, gw ngrasa bebas, nyaman, apalagi utk menjadikan diri gw lebih baik, either utk pribadi gw, atau untuk cowok yg nantinya akan jd pendamping gw. Mungkin krn pas jadian gw ngrasa dikekang bgt, gw ngerasa sempit.. 3 tahun penuh kesempitan, 3 tahun tanpa kualitas,, 3 tahun kebuang sia-sia, haduuh..
Relationship bwt gw ga main-main. Perlu 3 hal (seperti yang dibilang oleh teori triangulasi cinta yg gw pelajarin di matakuliah psikologi sosial), yaitu intimasi, passion, dan komitmen. Kalo Cuma passion (cinta yg bikin deg2an itu loh) doang, bukan triangulasi dong namanya.. gw sering blg sm temen2 gw yg br putus cinta n kbetulan dia nangis ke gw, bahwa pacaran itu ga cm modal cinta aja (makan tu cinta!), mesti ada keselarasan antara 2 individu itu. keselarasan akan ada dengan kepercayaan, kualitas komunikasi yg baik, serta kebebasan yg bertanggung jawab. Gw org yang menjunjung tinggi kebebasan bertanggung jawab. Sperti kata Mahatma Gandhi, “development without freedom is nothing”. Gw membebaskan orang2 disekeliling gw utk menjadi apa yg mereka inginkan, tp gw mengingatkan mereka kalo apa yg kita lakuin, harus kita pertanggung jawabin, ntah ama diri kita, keluarga, Negara, dan Tuhan. Ntah untuk dunia, atau akhirat. As long as we have responsibility to them, yaudah, go ahead lah.
Peduli amat ama kritikan sirik orang, toh mereka jg gat au apa2, kalo mereka tau gw yakin mereka ga akan komentar sinis. Advice2 pofitif, dukungan, dan semangat dari orang2lah yg harus kita balas dengan sebuah hasil yg baik dan ngga ngecewain mereka..
Dan selama belum ada orang yang bisa memberikan gw hal2 tadi, gw akan tetap bahagia menjadi seorang single.. dan kalo ga ada cowok yg bisa gw pegang omongannya, bs gw percaya, konsisten dengan apa yang ada dlm dirinya, sayang dengan dirinya seperti dia sayang ama gw, jgn harep aja gw bakal nerima dia, jgn harep hubungan gw bakal awet tama dia, males bgt..
being single, emang knp??

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phone call that makes me realized..


Barusan sahabat gw (sebut aja dia Dino) nelfon, dia crita kalo cewe yg dia suka itu jadian ama cowo lain. Sebenrnya si dino jg ga tau, tu cewe bneran jadian apa ga. Tp dino udah takut minta ampun. Ampe dia bingung dia harus gimana.. gw, sebagai org yg saat ini dia percaya, jg ikutan bingung harus ngomong apa, hehe.. krn menurut gw, gw ama dino punya otak yg beda kalo udah masalah cinta. Terlepas dari peran gender loh yaa..
Dia sayang banget ama ni cewe (sebut aja dia Dian), perasaannya begitu besar dan pun tau itu. tapiii, di sisi lain, ada 1 cewe lagi (sebut aja dia Jenny), yang sayang bgt jg ama dia. Mungkin prasaan sayang Jenny ke Dino, sama besarnya kayak prasaan sayang Dino ke Lulu. Si Dino, pengen banget jadian ama Lulu, emang udah pernah jadian sih, Cuma harus putus krn factor keluarga (which is Dino sayang bgt sm keluarganya dan ga mau mengecwakan mrk, jd Dino pun berkorban), akhirnya mrk cm HTS (hubungan tanpa status) aja. Selain factor kluarga, menurut Dino, factor kualitas waktu juga jd pertimbangan. Lulu yg kuliahnya jauhh, ga bs spend much time, as much as jenny does. Jenny lebih pny banyak waktu, makanya itu si Dino jg ga mau ngelepasin Jenny. Dino ngrasa ngedapetin smuanya di Jenny, yang dia ga dapetin dari Lulu. Tapi, prasaanya dia berat ke Lulu. Dino lagi pusing karena Lulu jadian ama cowo lain. Dino ga mau kehilangan Lulu, tapi untuk jadian ama lulu, otomatis Dino harus mengorbankan keluarganya, juga Jenny. Haaah sahabat gw itu lg dilemma. Ya iyalah.. kalo ga mah ngapain jg dia nelfon gw ampe kpusingan gt, hehe! Gw bilang ama Dino, bahwa hidup adalah pilihan. Emang sih, poligami lg ngetren, tapi kalo udah punya 1, gapain mau 2 sgala sih?? Kan soulmate bukan hendphone, mereka punya sesuatu dlm dirinya, bernama hati. Hati, jgn ampe tersakiti oleh apapun. Disaat cinta udah terasa menyakitkan, mau ga mau kita harus memanipulasi keadaan sedemikian rupa, biar cinta itu tidak kluar sebagai sebuah energi negative. Cinta kan indah bgt. Tp skali lg, hanya ada 1 cinta. Gw lg berbicara dalam konteks wanita pada umumnya, yg anti-poligami, tanpa mengurangi rasa kagum gw ama ibu2/mbak2 yg skrng lg dipoligami.. dalam konteks wanita ‘umum’, kita tentu ga mau dong cowo kita dibagi2 ky kue tiramisu gt. pada akhirnya kita harus milih, krn belum tentu kan tu cewe2 yg dket ama Dino, mau di’poligami’? sama spt cwe2 pada ‘umum’nya. hidup adalah pilihan. cinta memang kita terbarkan pd siapa aja, tp utk menjadi pasangan hidup kita, kita hrs nentuin. kalo dua2nya mau, enak di lo ga enak di gw dong? hehe.. bwt dino, yg mungkin baca blog gw, tentukan pilihanmu nak.. mungkin ngga skrng, ntah kpn, tp gw yakin, pd akhirnya, tuntutan utk meilih pun akan lo hadepin. dan saat itu terjadi, ikutin hata hati lo, jgn pake egoisme lo utk bs memiliki dua2nya..
ama tadi yg gw blg di telfon, “cinta dan logika jgn saling tumpang tindih. mereka harus berjalan beriringan, agar ga ada yang menyakiti, dan tersakiti..”
i love u my best!! =)

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